Life is never easy, especially in the stone age. Strange things are happening in Bedrock™ and it's up to you to set things right. At least Mr. Slate™, won't be on back as you battle beasts to get to the bottom of things. Don't be a dodo, Wilma™ is waiting and there’ll be no Brontoburgers™ for you if you fail.
--From the Genesis Flintstones instruction manual.
Like most husbands, Fred Flintstone doesn’t need a brain. He has a wife. Wilma guides this poor sap throughout the game. But at least she uses finesse. She never tells him what to do, she just tells him what needs to be done. So there you have it folks, the game any woman can enjoy. It should have been titled “A Stone Age Henpecked Doofus”.
Fred is searching for something. Probably some peace and quiet, but like most men, that will only come at death. For now he must look for missing items and fight prehistoric creatures on the way. He climbs, jumps and clubs things. Just your standard cave-man existence.
Fred was a caveman. What an original term: caveman. How many archaeologists with Phd’s did it take to come up with that? He’s a man and he lives in a cave, let’s call him caveman. Wow, the brilliance that only educated people can come up with.
He developed the use of fire, invented the wheel and understood enough about Global Warming to not invent the internal combustion engine. He was even smart enough to know that Jell-O pudding should go into the refrigerator, not the microwave. But was he called fireman or wheelman or even puddingman, no, caveman.
Well gosh darn, I guess he was lucky to have caves. What if he had been forced to build his home in giant dinosaur cow patties. Then some genius would have called him CowPattyMan. That would really have impressed his wife and kids. And what did CowPattyMan invent? The clothespin. For hanging out his clothes? No, for pinning his nose shut so he could stand the stink of living in a giant cow patty.
The background music is not much in this game. Monotonous and repetitive. Every once in a while you will hear a note or two from the theme song of the TV cartoon or maybe they were from Procol Harum’s “Whiter Shade of Pale”. No it couldn’t be that, cause I love that song. And when Fred strikes with his club, you would think he was sweeping the floor. Couldn’t these folks afford a sound technician?
However the graphics are great. In fact, one of the houses on the screen looks just like one I used to live in. Fred looks fabulous. He hasn’t even aged. Everything is drawn like as it might have appeared on the cartoon. Light and happy.
The action is better than a typical shoot-em up. But even Fred has to survive as he searches Bedrock in his quest. And things are still hard. No free lunch here even if it is based on a cartoon. You will need the same skills to complete this game as you would any other. Like the rocks that the house are made of, things are hard and they just get harder. Nothing comes easy for Fred. Why is that? I'd just quit if I were him.
The manual doesn’t prepare us for the dangers that Fred might encounter. Maybe the designers didn’t want to frighten us off. “Hey, don’t play that game, even Quentin Tarantino thought it was too violent to be made into a movie”. So we must follow Fred to his eventual encounter with Death, with nothing to prepare us for the horrible and unjust outcome. Or maybe it is just a fun-filled way to amuse yourself. Who knows? The manual was written on a Mobius Strip.
Seriously folks, Wilma tells Doofus what to do. So when she starts talking, you and Fred better listen. Otherwise Fred will get slapped upside the head and you won’t have a clue as to what you are trying to accomplish. If you can’t understand that, then ask your wife. She too might not understand, but it won’t stop her from telling you what it means.
And don’t be fooled by the cute little creatures. They are deadly. When they come near you beat the daylights out of them until they disappear. If somebody from the SPCA argues with you, throw one of the fuzzy-wuzzys in their face. It’ll shut them up.
Jumping On Objects:
Move to the object’s edge and while pressing the D-Control UP, press “A” or “C” – it isn’t as easy as it sounds
Apple – 200 points and a heart
Lucky Star – 200 points – get 50 and you get something special
Star – 1000 points – ten will get you another life
A Fred – 100 points and an extra life
A Wilma – invincibility for a short time
Heart – 100 points and new strength – can only collect six
Balloon – 100 points and something special
Pterodactyl Eggs – crack open for a ride
Power Up – strengthens you
|UP + A||Jump on Object|
|UP + C||Jump on Object|
|Start Button||Start / Pause|